Three beers and two shots later...

One of the great things about Rob and I working together is that we are alike in many ways, even though we are different in others. He is a Scottish descendant, I am Puerto Rican. He has lived in many states and met many different kinds of people. I've only lived in the island and in California. (Like totally not a good place to like learn English and junk.) He tends to lean on logic and reasoning for decisions. I go by my gut instinct, when I pay enough attention to it. But we are both perfectionists. We are into the details, like the devil. We go in the studio and once we get started, it could be so late at night before one of us (usually me) says something about the time and we finally stop. Sometimes, though, it's difficult to even get started. Yesterday was one of those times.

Once I arrived at the studio and Rob was there setting up some new equipment. I helped him a little bit and then we decided to go check out Guitar Center. Next door to it was Total Wine & More, which we visited after. We left there with some beverages of the adult kind and then went across the street to a sushi bar. I don't know why, but sushi bars always makes us want to hang out and talk. We were there for at least a couple of hours. Had some Japanese beers (I had one of each kind.) Then we drove back to the studio and took shots of what we purchased earlier. Three beers and two shots later, I found my stage presence! It's kind of funny that a singer would have a problem with singing in front of people, but this particular singer happens to be an introvert. Turns out that there are many introvert musicians. Rob said to me a while ago that he thinks that's because you can express yourself in music when you can't express yourself in other ways. That makes sense to me. Anyway, I guess I'll have to keep my bottled courage handy whenever that time comes. Just three beers and two shots...

Strange how something that I was taught to believe was evil can do me so much good. :)

Winter blahs

Oh man, the holidays are over, and the blues that usually accompany them are almost gone. Another year gone, a new one begins, and that begs the question: Why do we celebrate anything at all? Yes, I'm a glass half empty kind of gal, but it seems like a lot of hub bub over nothing. I mean, most of the time resolutions are broken because they are forced upon us by tradition, society, media, trendiness, etc. There are all these outside forces telling us what to do at every turn.  Guess what? Everything is just the same after midnight. That relative that didn't like me before still doesn't. That fake friend that only calls me when she needs something still will. That one person I want to be with is still far away. Yet, here you are, cheering, drinking and exchanging hugs once more, forgetting for one moment all that is wrong in your world.

Growing up, my family didn't celebrate anything. Not because of religious reasons, I don't really know why, to be honest. No birthdays, no Christmas, no anything. I guess my parents simply didn't care about those things. As an adult, I wanted to make up for lost time and celebrate everything I could. When my son was a little boy, he made that possible and so much fun. I enjoyed every holiday because he did. Once he was a teenager, that was no longer important to him and I could not enjoy it anymore. It was disappointing to try to celebrate anything myself. I was expecting it to be magical and fantastic, somehow. I know I could make special occasions special for others, but not for myself.

Now that I live alone, celebrating holidays is just pointless. I wanted people to come over so that I can serve lots of food and drinks, but they had other plans. I welcomed the new year alone. I didn't go anywhere, didn't see anybody. I didn't flash a fake smile, fabulous as it might be, while I felt sad inside. I didn't crack any jokes. Trust me, I'm freaking hilarious when I want to be, especially after a couple of drinks. Not this time. No drinks, no hugs, just me in front of my computer, just like any other night. I was feeling really depressed, the holidays do that to me. I'm not going to lie, it felt very lonely, but it also felt very real. It felt liberating to not succumb to whatever you're "supposed" to do. It felt like a cleanse from tradition. Maybe next new year's eve, I'll have people around me and I'll appreciate it so much more. Until then, I'll finish my half empty glass of wine while I write the next song.

When you feel down, how do you beat it?